


Love (and other four-letter words)

by zach_stone



Series: Neighbors AU [3]
Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Neighbors, Climbing Class, M/M, Marriage Proposal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-16
Updated: 2016-01-16
Packaged: 2018-05-14 08:02:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5735911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zach_stone/pseuds/zach_stone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After everything they've been through, proposing to Chris shouldn't be the scariest thing Josh has ever done. But this is Josh we're talking about here. </p>
<p>--</p>
<p>The final installment in the Neighbors AU, sequel to Boys next door and Confronting your demons.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love (and other four-letter words)

**Author's Note:**

> well this sure got out of hand. i almost didn't write this fic, but i decided i wanted to give these two a little closure after all the Drama i put them through. plus, i really wanted an excuse to have josh interact with some of the girls who didn't get as much time on the page in the past two fics. 
> 
> WARNINGS: a couple panic attacks/mentions thereof, brief mentions of suicidal thoughts. scars/injuries referenced from previous events in the series. things get a LITTLE frisky, but nothing actually happens, just the implication of it. i promise this is a happy story!!!
> 
> This story takes place roughly one year after Confronting your demons.

“I wanna get married.”

Josh regarded Jess with an amused expression from across the diner booth. She was staring dreamily at the little row of syrups on the table. “Well damn, Jess, if I’d known I woulda bought a ring and swept you off to Vegas.”

Jess laughed. “Yeah, right. I think Chris would kill me if I stole his man away.”

“Chris is a wimp, you could take him,” Josh said. He pointed a piece of bacon at her threateningly. “Don’t tell him I said that.”

“Your secret’s safe with me,” she said, smirking. “Anyway, I don’t want a Vegas wedding. Too tacky. I was thinking maybe by a beach… at sunset, of course. And live music, probably some big swing band. Summer wedding,  _ obviously _ ...”

“Jeez, you sure put some thought into this,” Josh said. “What’s gotten into you?”

“We had like, four wedding cake orders at work the past couple days. Plus, Emily’s cousin is getting married and Em invited me as her date.” Jess said this last part with a smug grin.

“You guys finally official, then?” Josh asked. She shrugged, looking embarrassed.

“Maybe. It’s hard to tell with her sometimes, y’know?” she said. “Anyway, I’ve had my wedding planned since I was like, nine. Didn’t you ever think about that kind of thing as a kid?”

“Not really,” he said. She pursed her lips.

“Is this some lame guy thing?” 

He snorted. “Please. I guess I just never pictured myself being with someone long enough to consider marriage. I mean, there was a time when I didn’t even think I’d make it past 18, so...”

Jess looked shocked. “Josh, oh my God.”

Oops. He’d sort of forgotten Jess wasn’t one of his friends that he talked to about this kind of thing. Backpedaling quickly, he said, “Uh, never mind. Just kidding?”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “You’re an awful liar.”

“I’m a  _ great _ liar, thank you very much,” he said indignantly. “Sorry, I just… forgot we aren’t quite at the friendship level for tragic backstories.”

“What? Says who!” she demanded. “We’re at the friendship level where you’ll meet me at a diner for breakfast at two in the morning, no questions asked.”

“Being your go-to insomnia buddy is not the same,” Josh said. “Besides, I never sleep and I love pancakes. It’s a win-win.” He took a large bite for emphasis.

She shook her head. “Whatever, Josh.” She rested her chin in her hand and added slyly, “So, you ever think about marrying Chris?”

Josh nearly choked on his food. “Uh, a bit soon for that, don’t you think?” he wheezed.

“Hardly! How long have you guys been dating, over a year, right? And you live together already. I’m not saying you should marry him tomorrow, I was just wondering if you thought about it.” 

The truth was, Josh  _hadn ’t _ thought about it. Moving in together had been a big enough leap for both of them, even if they spent most of their time in the same apartment anyway. He was just grateful that in the six months since they’d moved in together, no horrible, potentially life-threatening drama had occurred. Anyway, living in the same apartment was one thing, but  _ marriage _ ? As devoted as Chris seemed to be to him, Josh couldn’t imagine anyone wanting to agree to be stuck with him for life. He didn’t even feel like that was self-deprecating, it was just realistic -- he was a mess, as Chris had seen all too well. 

“Josh?” Jess said, pulling him from his thoughts. He blinked at her. “Lost you for a second there,” she said. “Dreaming about walking down the aisle?”

“Drop it, Jessica,” he said irritably. Jess held her hands up in surrender.

“Okay, okay. God. No need to get all bitchy,” she mumbled. He huffed, shoving his food around on his plate.

When he got back to his apartment, it was well past three in the morning. He tiptoed into the bedroom, smiling faintly when he saw Chris sprawled across the bed, mouth hanging open and one leg kicked out from under the covers. Josh shimmied out of his jeans and pushed the blankets back, nudging Chris gently.

“Scoot over, blanket hog,” he whispered. Chris jerked awake with a snort, lifting his head and smacking his lips sleepily. Josh grinned, patting his boyfriend’s bedhead.

“You’re back,” Chris said, yawning. “How was your late-night breakfast run? Still think that’s weird, by the way.”

“It was standard greasy diner food. So, delicious,” Josh said. Chris opened his arms, and Josh was quick to snuggle against him, pressing his face against Chris’s collarbone and sighing. “Besides, insomniacs gotta stick together. Not that you would know. You sleep like a rock.”

“I’d sleep even better if you stayed in bed,” Chris said. He pressed a soft kiss to the top of Josh’s head. Josh started to reply, but Chris said, “Shh. No more talking. Only sleep now.”

Chuckling, Josh closed his eyes and let the warmth of Chris’s body lull him to sleep.

 

* * *

 

Despite never having thought about it before, over the next few days Josh found that marriage was all he  _ could  _ think about. Not in the dreamy way Jess thought about it, either; this was a full-on obsessive panic. He knew Chris could tell something was up and it was clearly driving him bonkers to not ask, but he was trying to be better at not prying Josh to talk before he was ready. That had been a big problem for them, one that had taken months to work on. Sam had been the one to suggest couples counselling, which Josh had balked at initially, but when Sam and Mike got the two of them six free sessions as a pointed gift, Chris had insisted they go. The counselor had noted that Chris had a tendency to push, and Josh had a tendency to lie. If Chris promised to trust Josh to talk when he was ready to, Josh had to promise to stop closing off. It had been a difficult compromise, but so far it was working okay.

Except for times like now, of course, when Josh didn’t  _ want  _ to bring up the subject first. Maybe Chris would ask even if he wasn’t “supposed” to. The last time that had happened, though, they’d gotten into a big fight and they had both cried, so it seemed he was being extra careful these days to avoid a repeat. At the end of the week, Chris went back home to visit his parents for the night, and Josh watched morosely as he packed his duffel bag and paced from room to room making sure he had everything. When Chris had his stuff together, he turned to Josh and smiled reassuringly.

“I’ll be back early morning,” he said. He hesitated, and then asked, “You sure you’re gonna be okay while I’m gone?”

“Yeah. Sam’s coming over,” Josh said. “I’ll be fine, dude. Have fun, okay? Say hi to your parents for me.”

Chris chucked wryly. Josh had met Chris’s parents only once before, and it had been extremely uncomfortable for everyone involved. “They like to talk a big talk about being supportive of bisexuality, but they only seem to be okay with it when I’m dating a girl,” Chris had said at the time. 

Now, he gave Josh a long hug and kissed him gently. “Love you,” he said. His gaze was searching. Josh silently prayed that somehow Chris would just figure out why he’d been so panicky without them having to actually  _ talk  _ about it. No such luck. Chris released him and with a little wave he was out the door. 

Josh sat back on the couch and ran his hands over his face. This was fine. He was fine. He could deal with being without Chris for one night. He just needed to stop thinking about marriage. About forever, and how  _ long  _ that was, and how if there wasn’t a forever then that meant that there was an inevitable end to their relationship, and Jesus Christ if what they’d been through already wasn’t enough to push them apart then what the fuck was going to be the breaking point? And hadn’t Josh lost enough without losing Chris too? and oh God, oh God, he was going to lose Chris, and then all his other friends would probably fall away too when they realized he couldn’t even keep the one good thing in his life, and then he’d be all alone. Josh put his head between his knees and took several shuddering breaths. He was spiraling, he needed to calm down. He tried counting backwards from ten, and then twenty. 

“Hey Josh! Sorry I let myself in, you didn’t answer when I knocked… Josh?” 

He jerked his head up. Sam was standing in his living room. She was frowning at him, dropping her backpack on the floor and hurrying to sit next to him. How was Sam already here? How long had he been spinning out of control in his thoughts? 

“What’s wrong?” Sam said. She hesitated, one hand lifted to touch his shoulder. “Can I?” she asked. He nodded, not trusting himself to speak. Sam wrapped her arm around him, rubbing his back. “Deep breaths, okay? You’re okay.”

He tried to even out his breathing, but it was rapid and shallow and he couldn’t seem to make it stop, which only panicked him more. Sam grabbed his clammy hand in her warm one and pressed it to her chest, taking exaggerated, slow breaths. “Feel this? Do this with me, okay? In and out. There we go,” she said.

Eventually, Josh was able to calm down, and his lip curled in a rueful smile. He couldn’t meet Sam’s eyes. “Sammy, I know you’re in love with me, but I don’t think Mike would be happy if he knew I was groping his girlfriend.” 

Sam let go of his hand, and he removed it from her chest. “Don’t be such a pill,” she scolded. “Wanna tell me what’s wrong?” 

How to explain? He twisted his fingers together. “Everything in my life is just going so well,” he muttered. Sam tried to suppress a smile.

“No offense, but I don’t really see how that’s something to panic about,” she said. 

“Because nothing in my life is good for long,” he said. “So I’m just wondering when the next shitstorm is gonna come through. And frankly, they seem to get worse every time, so I’m terrified of whatever’s next.” 

“Ah,” Sam said. “Did you ever think that maybe there  _ is  _ no shitstorm coming? That maybe life is just good because it’s good?”

He frowned. “That hasn’t exactly been my experience.”

“Josh, as hard as this is for you to believe, the world’s not out to get you,” she said.

“Ha. You’re a real comedian, Sam.” He ran his hand through his hair, sighing heavily. “It’s whatever, okay? It’s not like I don’t deserve it.”

Sam poked him. “Will you quit that? You don’t have to take the blame for situations beyond your control, dude. You’re not being punished for things you didn’t do. Your mental health, your sisters, what happened at the lodge last spring… you didn’t  _ cause  _ that. Sometimes bad things just happen. It’s nobody’s fault.” 

He scowled. “I just don’t believe that.”

“Well start believing. Have I ever lied to you?” she said. He shook his head. “Exactly. And I’m not lying now.” She stood up. “I’m gonna make us some dinner. I’m guessing you haven’t eaten today.”

Josh slouched on the couch with his eyes closed while Sam bustled about in the kitchen, scrounging up what she could from Josh and Chris’s abysmal selection of groceries. She brought him a plate of stir fry a few minutes later, a little orange pill bottle balanced on top of it. He gave her a small smile of thanks and took the items from her, grimacing at the pills.

“How are these new meds working out for you?” she asked him. 

“Okay, I guess,” he said. The truth was, they were working great. His new antidepressants paired with an antipsychotic seemed to be finally doing the job. He still felt washed out after he took his medicine, like a watered-down version of his own existence, but it was better than it had been any other time in his life. He should be happy. Instead, he was just scared of the surely inevitable fallout. “Better than my last ones,” he added.

“Good. That’s really good, Josh,” Sam said. They ate in relative silence, and then Sam leaned her head on his shoulder. He looked at her out of the corner of his eye. 

“How’re things with Mike?” he asked. She smiled.

“They’re good. He wants me to move in with him. We have to wait for the lease to be up at my place, and Matt would be living with us, but I think I’m gonna do it.” 

“You’re pretty serious, huh?” 

She nodded. “I think so,” she said. “It’s good. I’m happy. How about you and Chris? Still going strong, I take it?”

“Uh huh.” He stared down at his lap. “I think… I think I wanna marry him, Sammy.” 

She shifted beside him, but if she was surprised by his words, she hid it well. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. I don’t know, though. He deserves better.”

“Oh, not that again. Look, Chris loves you, okay? I think he’s more than proven he wants to be with you. What’s it gonna take for you to get that, huh?”

“He doesn’t know what’s good for him.”

Sam sat up and fixed him with a hard stare. “Josh, I mean this in the nicest way possible, but shut the fuck up.” 

He was so surprised that he laughed. After a moment, Sam laughed too. “You know just what to say,” he told her. 

“That’s what I’m here for,” she said. 

They put on a movie and before long both of them were fast asleep. Josh woke to the sound of the front door clicking shut. He blinked his eyes open. A soft yellow light was filtering in through the blinds. Sam was curled on the armchair, snoring. Josh had slumped over the arm of the couch sometime in the night, and he sat up with a hiss of pain at his cramped muscles. Chris came into the living room and smiled. He crossed over to stand in front of Josh, who got up and practically fell into his arms.

“Hi,” Chris whispered. 

“I missed you,” Josh said, face buried in Chris’s neck. Chris hummed in amusement.

“I was gone one night,” he said. Josh clicked his tongue irritably, and Chris conceded. “Missed you too,” he said. He pulled back slightly and took in Josh’s face; his tired, red-rimmed eyes. “Have you been crying?” he said. He seemed to be warring with himself, and then he said, “Please tell me what’s wrong.”

“Are you doing that thing you’re not supposed to do?” Josh asked. He twisted them around and backed Chris up until he stumbled against the couch and sat down. Josh rested easily in his lap.

“No!” Chris said, voice soft and frantic. “I just… I hope  _ you’re  _ not doing that thing you’re not supposed to do.”

Rather than respond to that (because he was right and Josh didn’t want to admit it), Josh slid off his boyfriend’s lap and nudged his legs apart, settling between his knees and unsnapping his pants. Chris looked equal parts startled and aroused.

“What’re you doing?” he hissed. When Josh pushed up Chris’s shirt a bit and kissed his stomach, Chris’s eyes fluttered closed momentarily and his hand went to Josh’s hair almost automatically. Josh smirked, pressing a biting kiss to Chris’s hip. “Bro, chill,” Chris whispered. “Sam is ri- _ ight there _ .” His sentence ended in a gasp. Josh backed off, raising an eyebrow.

“So?” he said. “She’s asleep. We’ll just be quiet.”

“Uh-uh. Not happening. Keep your voyeur shit to yourself, I don’t need Sam to see my dick,” Chris said. He pushed Josh away and pulled his shirt back down. Josh shrugged and stood up, hoisting Chris to his feet and leading him to the bedroom. They’d barely shut the door before Josh was on him again, pulling Chris’s shirt off all the way and ushering him over to the bed. Chris seemed amused, more eager to continue now that they were alone. Josh sat with his knees on either side of Chris’s hips, running his hands across his boyfriend’s chest. Four long, puckered scars spanned the majority of his torso, and the sight made Josh’s stomach tighten. Chris always made light of them, going on about how he looked like a total badass now. Still, it made Josh feel queasy when he thought about what had caused those scars. He mapped them with his fingers, and Chris closed his eyes again.

“Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing,” he said. Josh stilled, staring at him.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said. Chris laughed through his nose, because he knew Josh was lying.

“You’re trying to distract me because something’s wrong. But it’s not gonna work,” he said, propping himself up on his elbows and frowning at Josh. “Talk to me. Please.”

Josh relented. “Let me gather my thoughts,” he said. The counselor told him to say that if he needed a minute, so that Chris wouldn’t think he was still avoiding the discussion. Chris nodded, patient as ever. Finally, Josh spoke, in a quiet voice. “Do you love me?”

“What? Of course I love you,” Chris said. “You know I love you. Don’t you?”

“No, no, you’re right, I do know. I guess what I mean is… okay. Do you, um, foresee yourself getting sick of me?”

Chris looked crestfallen. “Josh, what’s going on?”

“Answer the question, please,” Josh said. He felt small and exposed.

“Never,” Chris said. 

“What?” 

“The answer is never. I don’t think I’ll ever get sick of you. I’m serious.”

He looked so earnest, and Josh thought maybe he believed him. He nodded, feeling stupid for ruining what had been looking to be some pretty good sex with his anxieties. They’d been rehashed time and time again over the course of their relationship, but Chris never seemed angry about it. 

“Sorry for being stupid,” Josh said. Chris shook his head emphatically.

“You’re not. I get it, Josh. I know this is scary for you sometimes.” He sat up more, hands on Josh’s waist. “But I love you. I promise. That hasn’t changed.” He kissed Josh, soft and sweet. “Lemme make you feel good,” he breathed against Josh’s lips, one hand slipping lower to palm the front of Josh’s pants. Josh whined in the back of his throat. 

Before they could do anything else, though, a thunderous round of knocking on their bedroom door caused them both to yelp in shock. Sam’s voice from the other side said, “Don’t even think about fucking around in there, assholes!”

“What the hell, Sam?” Josh yelled back.

“I’m not  _ that  _ deep of a sleeper,” she said. “You try to blow your boyfriend three feet away from me and there are consequences, Washington.”

Chris looked like he wanted to sink into the floor. His face was beet red. Josh just laughed. “Fair enough, Sammy. Fair enough,” he called. 

“I welcome the sweet embrace of death,” Chris said. Josh pecked his lips before clambering off of him. 

“Chill, Sam’ll get over it. And when she goes home, we’ll pick up where we left off.” 

Chris grumbled, but agreed.

 

* * *

 

“This is so exciting!” Ashley squealed from Josh’s right.

“Relax, you’re gonna freak him out,” Emily said from his left. 

Josh fidgeted between his two friends. They stood outside the jewelry store, Josh eyeing the sign that proclaimed “Engagement Rings!” in cheerful, swirling letters. “Maybe we should just do this later,” he said nervously.

“Nooooo,” Ashley said, clutching his arm. “Come on, Josh, you’re just psyching yourself out. We’re gonna help you pick out the perfect ring.”

“Though I’m pretty sure you could give Chris a Ring Pop and he’d say yes,” Emily said. “He’s so gaga over you, it’s gross.” 

“I’m regretting bringing both of you,” Josh said warningly. He wished Sam hadn’t been too busy to come with him instead -- she would be far less terrifying in this situation. Emily gripped Josh’s upper arm in a vice-like fashion and tugged him towards the door.

“C’mon. In we go, time to be a big boy.” She steered him inside. Jewelry glittered on the tables from all sides, and Josh felt more than a little overwhelmed. A woman at the counter greeted them brightly.

“Welcome! How can I help you?” she asked. Josh waited for Emily or Ashley to respond, but when Ashley stomped on his foot, it became clear that he was expected to answer. Damn it.

“Uh, I’m looking for an engagement ring?” he managed. 

“Wonderful! Who’s the lucky lady? One of these two?” the woman asked. Emily snorted.

“Not even in his wildest dreams,” she said. “The lucky  _ fella  _ didn’t tag along. He’s going to be surprised.”

“Oh,” the woman said. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed. Well, you probably won’t want any of these girly ones then.” 

“What were you just saying about assumptions?” Josh found himself saying irritably. The woman looked incredibly flustered. Ashley stepped on his foot again.

“Be nice,” she hissed. “Both of you,” she added. Emily glowered at her.

“What kind of rings are you looking for?” the woman asked, avoiding eye contact. Josh almost felt bad. Almost.

“Chris seems like a classy guy,” Ashley said thoughtfully, gazing into a display case of simple gold bands. “Like these? Ooh, you could engrave something on the inside! I love when people do that.”

“First of all, Chris is not classy, he’s a dork. He wears shirts with cartoon characters on them. Anyway, what would I even put on an engraving?” Josh said. 

“Something that represents a meaningful moment in your relationship,” Ashley prompted. Josh pondered that for a moment.

“Ah yes, I could do a Sharknado quote,” he said. “Perfect.” 

“I hope you’re joking,” Emily said. 

“What, is ‘I really hate sharks’ not romantic enough?” he said. He was being difficult on purpose, but the disgusted look on Emily’s face was too funny to pass up. “Okay, okay. I don’t think I’m too good at the sappy quotes. But these are nice.” He pointed to a rose gold ring with a tiny inset of diamonds. “I like that one.”

“Chris into rose gold?” Emily asked, arching an eyebrow.

“Yeah, you kidding? He spent his entire paycheck on the rose gold iPhone. He’s lucky my parents pay our rent.” Josh dug around in his pocket for his wallet. “Just like they’re paying for this ring.”

“Is that the one you want then, sir?” said the woman assisting them. She took it out of the case and let Josh hold it. Something about actually having the ring in his hand made his knees buckle a little. Ashley looked from the ring to Josh with an ear-to-ear grin. Emily was smiling, too, though she tried to hide it.

“Well?” Ashley said.

“This is the one,” Josh said. “Oh God. I feel like I’m gonna pass out.” 

“When’s the big day?” the woman asked, taking the ring over to the register.

“I uh, haven’t decided yet,” he replied. “Soon, I think. Fuck, what if he says no?”

“He won’t say no,” Emily said. “Trust me.”

“And how the hell do you know?” Josh demanded.

“Because everyone knows, you dumbass. Honestly, he’s been heart-farting over you since the beginning.” Emily looked to Ashley for confirmation, and the other girl nodded.

“It’s true, Josh. You’ve got nothing to worry about.”

“And yet somehow, I always find a way,” he quipped. He gave the woman at the counter his credit card and then the ring was put in a little velvet box and it was his. Oh boy.

Emily dropped him off back at his apartment, and he shoved the ring deep into his pocket before he went inside. Chris was in the kitchen, fucking around and clearly attempting to cook. That never ended well.

“Don’t set the stove on fire again, please,” Josh said by way of greeting. Chris glanced up at him and made a face.

“Hello to you too, dear,” he said. Josh groaned.

“You know I hate it when you call me that,” he said. He walked into the kitchen and hopped up on the counter beside his boyfriend. 

“So sorry,” Chris said, squinting at the recipe book he had open before tossing an unmeasured handful of something into the pot on the stove. “Hello, buttface.”

“Even worse! Are you twelve?” Josh said, smirking. Chris frowned at him.

“Why does nothing please you?” he demanded. Josh leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.

“You please me,” he said. Chris blushed. The ring box dug into Josh’s thigh through his pants. He needed to hide that somewhere, pronto. “I’ll be right back,” he said. He went into their bedroom and opened the closet, scanning it for a good place to hide the ring. His phone buzzed in his pocket. He took it out; it was Jess.

> _**Jess:** ummmmm why the FUCK wasn’t i invited to your ring-purchasing event??!!?!?!? _

Josh groaned, quickly tapping out a reply.

> _**Josh:** because you have no concept of secrecy and i didn’t want you blabbing _
> 
> _**Josh:** speaking of, who the hell told you _
> 
> _**Jess:** emily did, duh!!!! i’m so offended i can’t believe this _
> 
> _**Josh:** look i’m sorry okay, please just don’t tell anyone else. ESPECIALLY NOT CHRIS _
> 
> _**Jess:** relax, my lips are zipped. but i need to see the ring omg send me a pic!!!!! _
> 
> _**Josh:** ugh okay one sec _

He pulled the box out of his pocket and opened it, crouching on the floor and balancing the box precariously on his knee as he aimed his phone at it and snapped a photo. His hands were shaky, though, and it was blurry. Swearing softly, he deleted it and tried to steady his grip.

“Um, why are you kneeling in front of our closet?” Chris said from behind him. With a yelp, Josh pitched forward into the closet entirely, the ring tumbling into the dark recesses of their shoe pile. 

“Dude, how many times do I have to tell you not to sneak up on me?” he said, sitting back up with a wince. Chris was barely concealing his amusement.

“Sorry,” he said. “But seriously, what were you doing?”

“I thought I dropped something,” Josh lied easily. “Did you finish whatever abomination you were cooking in there?”

“How dare you,” Chris said. “It’s actually edible this time, I swear.”

It wasn’t, but Josh only teased him about it for as long as it took to find a good takeout place.

 

* * *

 

That night, Josh couldn’t sleep. He kept thinking of the ring, which he’d rescued from the shoes and hidden inside a pair of his socks while Chris was cleaning up the disaster in the kitchen. Would things be different if they were engaged? What if Chris didn’t even want to get married? Would he think it was too soon, that Josh was moving too fast? Emily and Ashley had both said it would be fine, but what did they know? Emily didn’t know Chris very well, and Ashley was a sappy romantic at heart, which blinded her to things at times. There was only one person he trusted to tell it to him straight, and that was Sam. He’d have to bring it up to her at work.

When he went into the froyo shop the next morning, he could barely keep his eyes open. He was so damn exhausted from a night of sleepless worry. Sam could tell, because she eyed him with concern as he put on his apron. “You look like a gremlin,” she told him.

“ _ So _ sweet, Sammy,” he said, pulling his work hat on low over his brow. 

“You didn’t sleep last night,” she said, ignoring him. “What’s up?”

“The usual existential dread,” he said. She was still looking at him with worry written all over her face. “What?” he said irritably.

“I need to tell you something,” she said. He frowned; that’s not what he was expecting. 

“Um, okay. Go for it,” he said. Sam fiddled with the strings of her apron for a moment. Then, she took a deep breath, as if she were steeling herself.

“I gave Steven my two weeks’ notice yesterday,” she said. Josh’s stomach plummeted.

“What? No, why, you can’t leave!” he said, voice too loud. She shushed him, glancing around, but the frozen yogurt shop was empty, as it normally was in the mornings.

“Josh, I’m sorry, but I was never planning to stay here after I finished school, and I got a job offer with a local nonprofit. It’s a really good job. I have to take it.” Sam smiled sadly at him. “Time to be a big girl, you know?”

“You can’t just… you can’t leave me here all alone,” he groused. “Seriously, Sammy, who the hell am I gonna work shifts with now? Everyone else sucks!”

“Maybe it’s time for a change, then,” she said. “You could go back to school. Finish up that psych degree, yeah?”

He laughed humorlessly. “Very funny.”

“I’m not joking,” she said. His brow furrowed.

“You honestly think I should go back to school? You do realize who you’re talking about, right?” 

“Give me one good reason why you shouldn’t,” she said. He laughed again, throwing his hands in the air.

“Maybe because I’m certifiably fucked in the head? I mean, Christ, Sam, you of all people should know this!” He ran his hand through his hair, feeling like the world was free-falling underneath him. 

“Josh…” Sam sighed, gently tugging his arm down and taking his hands in hers. “Listen to me. I know this is freaking you out. Change is scary, I get that. I really do. But I don’t think you’re as fucked up as you think you are. You’re so smart, and you were doing well in school before. Sure, it’d take some readjusting, but you could do it.”

She seemed like she sincerely believed in him. “Sam, you’ve known me for years now. You’re my best friend, you know me better than anyone else. Better than Chris, hell, better than I know myself.” He looked at her imploringly. “Do you think I’m getting better?”

“Yes,” she said immediately. “I mean, look at you. Your relationship is strong, your medication is working, you have a proper diagnosis… you’re doing so well, Josh.” She paused. “Hannah and Beth would be so proud of you.”

Tears stung in his eyes and he glared, trying to make them go away. “Don’t pull the sister card on me right now,” he said. 

“You could try just one class,” Sam said. “To see how you like it. I think you’d have fun.” He didn’t respond, and she shook his shoulder slightly. “Please say you’ll at least think about it.”

“Yeah, yeah, okay,” he said at last. She smiled. He couldn’t quite find it in himself to return the gesture. 

For the rest of the day, he hardly talked to Sam. He was kind of pissed at her for leaving, even if deep down he did understand and it did make sense and he  _ knew  _ it would happen eventually. She tried to engage him in friendly conversation whenever the store was empty, but he pointedly ignored her. It was petty and childish, and he knew it, but whatever. He was  _ great  _ at petty and childish. Plus, something about the concept of giving Sam the cold shoulder in a frozen yogurt shop was funny in a stupid pun kind of way. Fuck, Chris was really rubbing off on him.

When their shifts ended, Sam grabbed Josh’s arm to stop him from leaving. He tried to shake her grip, but she was quite strong. Huffing through his nose, he turned around to face her. She stood all of five-foot-nothing, but the look on her face made him fearful.

“Quit being a pissbaby,” she said. He started to protest, but she continued. “I get that you’re upset, Josh, and I know that this will be a difficult adjustment, but come on. You’re supposed to be my best friend. And something really good is happening in my life now! I’m finally getting into the career I’ve always wanted. And your response is to give me the silent treatment? Fuck off.” 

She released him, and he rubbed the spot on his arm where she’d held it. He felt sheepish. Not meeting her eyes, he said, “I’m a dick. I’m sorry, Sammy.”

“You  _ are _ a dick,” she said, but her voice was less angry now. 

“I’m kinda freaking out about… well, everything lately. About proposing to Chris,” he told her. She smiled slightly.

“You know you don’t have to if you don’t want to,” she said.

“But I do want to! I want to so much. He’s… he’s so good, Sam. He’s incredible. I just want to do it right.”

“And you will,” she said. “Come on, you’re Josh Washington! Go big or go home, yeah? You got this in the bag.” 

For the first time all day, he managed to return her smile. “Yeah. You’re right. You’re the best, Sam. What am I gonna do without you?”

“It’s not like I’m moving away, sheesh,” she said. “You’ll be just fine, kid.” She pretended to wipe away a tear. “All grown up, getting a fiance….”

“Holy shit I’m gonna have a fiance,” Josh said. He grabbed her hands. “Samantha. I am going to have a fiance.”

“Do you think he’ll take your last name? Chris Washington has a nice ring to it…”

“Fuck! Shut up oh my God!” Josh said, turning bright red. Sam laughed loudly. She was the worst.

 

* * *

 

> _**Sam:** good luck tonite!!!!! :D :D :D _
> 
> _**Josh:** picture, if you will, the iconic painting “the scream” by edvard munch  _
> 
> _**Josh:** thats what my soul looks like right now _
> 
> _**Sam:** it will be great!!!!!!!!!!! go get him!!!  _

Josh tucked his phone into his pocket and glanced over at his sweet, unsuspecting boyfriend, who was putting on his shoes. Josh was taking Chris out to a fancy restaurant. It was one they’d been to once before, and Chris had been obsessed with their breadsticks. It wasn’t entirely unusual for them to go out to eat, so Josh was fairly certain Chris had no idea what was in store. The engagement ring felt like it was burning a hole in Josh’s pants pocket. He’d gone over what he planned to say at least a thousand times in the past month. He’d worked it out perfectly. Nothing could go wrong.

They got to the restaurant, Chris talking animatedly about some weird nerdy computer thing that had happened at his new IT job, and Josh pretended to listen while really repeating his proposal speech over and over in his head. They were seated at a table, and Chris looked around eagerly.

“I can’t wait for those breadsticks, dude,” he said. He patted his stomach. “Papa’s hungry.”

“Since when do you call yourself  _ papa _ ?” Josh said, shaking himself from his thoughts long enough to laugh. Chris pretended to be offended.

“Don’t kinkshame me in this nice restaurant, Josh,” he said. Josh rolled his eyes, his hand going instinctively to his pocket to ensure the ring was still there.

Only… it wasn’t. He patted his pocket a couple times, but there was nothing there. Fuck. His eyes widened slightly and he stood up. Chris frowned.

“Everything okay?” he asked. Gaze darting around the room, Josh spotted the restroom sign.

“I gotta pee. Be right back,” he said. Before Chris could reply, Josh was power-walking to the bathroom. It was a single-person bathroom, a real fancy one with seashell decor. Josh made eye contact with himself in the mirror. He looked seriously frazzled. 

“Calm down,” he told himself. “Just get your shit together, Washington. You didn’t lose the ring. Is it in the car? Did you leave it at home? Christ.” He felt in all of his pockets, but there was no ring to be found. There  _ was  _ a hole in one of his pockets, though. Shit. Where the hell could it be? That thing was expensive!

A knock on the door startled him. “Josh? Are you okay?” It was Chris. 

“Super duper!” Josh replied, wincing at how high-pitched his voice sounded. 

“Hey, let me in,” Chris said. “You’re worrying me.”

Resigned, Josh unlocked the bathroom door and opened it. As he stepped back to let Chris into the room fully, he felt something slide down his pant leg. He startled and looked down just in time to see the engagement ring fall out of the bottom of his pants and onto the floor. Chris followed his gaze and his mouth dropped open. He knelt down to pick up the ring, and then looked up at Josh, surprise written all over his face.

Josh stared at his boyfriend, on one knee in front of him with the ring in his hand, and all he could think to say was, “Oh, you have  _ got  _ to be kidding me.” 

“Um, Josh…?” Chris began, but Josh reached down and yanked him to his feet before he could continue.

“Uh-uh, don’t even say a word,” he ordered. Still towing Chris along behind him, Josh left the bathroom and led Chris right out of the restaurant. Thank God they hadn’t ordered anything yet. Chris made a small noise of protest as Josh steered him towards the car. Josh opened the passenger side door and shoved Chris inside before he got in the driver’s seat. Chris looked like a bird whose feathers had been severely ruffled. He was still holding the ring.

“Gimme that,” Josh said, taking the ring from Chris. They stared at each other for a moment in silence.

“ _ What _ is going on?” Chris said finally. Josh sighed.

“Okay, well, this is not at all how I planned to do this, but… here goes.” He shifted in his seat so he was facing Chris fully. “Chris, from the very first day I met you, you’ve kept me on my toes. And I don’t say that lightly; I play hard ball, and not many people can keep up with that. But there you were, this doofy guy with a broken leg, trying to out-prank  _ me _ , of all people.” Chris was smiling that sweet, ridiculous smile, and Josh almost had to look away. Instead, he pressed on. “You’re constantly surprising me. I thought you were going to be all fumbling and quiet, but then you went and seduced me and it turns out you’re actually really great at that. But more than that, Chris… you’ve stayed with me. Through  _ so  _ much absolute bullshit and madness that anyone would be more than justified in walking away from.”

“Josh…” Chris said, a tinge of sadness in his voice. Josh shook his head.

“No, no, let me finish. You stayed, and you took the time to not only tolerate me and everything that comes with me, but you learned how to help. You make me better, or at least you try. You’ve been so patient with me, and so endlessly kind. I never,  _ ever  _ thought I would have that. And I’m still a mess of a person and I don’t think that will ever change, but you seem to like me despite all of that, so I think I want to keep you around.” He took a deep breath and then held out the ring. “So I was wondering if you’d marry me.”

Chris looked like he might cry. His eyes were shining, and he was biting down hard on his bottom lip, that goofy grin still in place. The brief silence felt endless to Josh, though, and before he could stop himself, he was talking again.

“I’m sorry if the ring is lame,” he said. “Ashley and Emily helped me pick it out, so if you hate it, blame them.”

“Josh,” Chris said again, a hint of amusement in his voice now.

“And you don’t have to say yes!” Josh added quickly. “If you don’t want to get married right now, or ever, that’s fine! I’ll just sell this back and we can use the money to buy a new TV or something, and we can just forget this ever happened.”

“ _ Josh _ ,” Chris said, reaching over to put a hand over his boyfriend’s mouth. That was at least effective in shutting him up. “Jesus, you gonna let me answer you or what?”

Josh shrugged, embarrassed. He felt like his entire body was pulsing with his pounding heart. Chris removed his hand from Josh’s mouth and took the ring from Josh’s now somewhat shaky fingers to examine it. Then Chris put it on. Josh might’ve floated through the ceiling. 

Chris was definitely about to cry. He looked back at Josh, face flushed, and nodded. “Yeah. Of course I’ll marry you.”

“Oh good,” Josh squeaked. Chris leaned across the gearshift and grabbed Josh’s face, pulling him in for a messy kiss, broken by both of their nervous laughter. 

“I love you,” Josh said, kissing whatever part of Chris’s face he could. “You said yes. Oh my God, you said yes.”

“Of course I did, you asshole,” Chris said. “I love you so much.”

They pulled back, both smiling. Josh cleared his throat. “It’s gonna be hard sometimes,” he said. “I know we’re doing okay right now, but things might get bad again. I don’t know.”

“We’ll get through it,” Chris said simply. “Like we always do.”

Josh looked at Chris’s hand, at the ring on his finger. His heart fluttered. Jesus, he was such a sap. He could understand why Jess got so mushy about this sort of thing now. 

“I’m so lucky,” Chris said quietly. Josh blinked, confused.

“I think I’m the lucky one in this situation,” he said. Chris shook his head.

“You really don’t get how incredible you are, do you?” he said. His smile turned somewhat sad. “I’m gonna make sure you know. Every day.” He laughed slightly. “Well, I’ll save it for the wedding vows.”

“Holy shit we’re gonna have a wedding,” Josh said. He might pass out. Chris just laughed again, kissing him.

“Wait,” he said. “I do have one request.”

“Anything,” Josh said immediately.

“Can we please go back in there and get our food? I really wanted those breadsticks,” Chris said. Josh snorted.

“Yes dear,” he said. Chris looked delighted.

“Hey, you said it!” he said.

“Well, since we’re getting married and all, I guess I’ll allow it every once in a while,” Josh said. They got out of the car, and Chris slid his hand into Josh’s. The cool band of the ring pressed against their twined fingers, and Josh realized he didn’t feel so afraid anymore. Sure, his world was shifting and changing rapidly all around him, and that was more than a little unnerving, but he had Chris. And together, he figured they could take on just about anything.

**Author's Note:**

> (tfw ur having an existential crisis bc ur graduating college in a couple months and so u project ur fears of change onto fictional characters)
> 
> well guys, i'm fairly certain this is the last segment of this AU series!!! thank you all for reading. please leave me comments, i always love seeing what you guys have to say. and talk to me on tumblr!!!! i'm over at zach-stone


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